The 5 Wives

This past weekend my cousins and I sang at a wedding of some friends of ours. The weekend actually seemed like a high school reunion in disguise. I hadn’t seen several people in attendance for over 6 years, so every conversation was dripping with awkward small talk. The number one question of the weekend: “Got any kids yet?” followed by my answer, “Nope, just two dogs that act like kids.”

In an article published in December, new statistics found that the happiest husbands and wives among today’s young couples are those with no children and those with four or more children. http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/the_parental_happiness_curve

This isn’t the first time I’ve blogged about this, but as a young married couple Brandon and I are constantly bombarded with the pressure to have kids. There are days where I really want to have a baby, and there are days where I think I’d rather be a dog lover the rest of my life. According to the article, we might be the “happiest” right now as DINKWADs (Double Income No Kids With A Dog), but who’s to judge what constitutes you as “happy”?

We do want a big family someday, and hopefully God will bless us with four or more, but for right now, I’ll enjoy my time childless. Bring on the awkward small talk about my child-like dogs.

I think we gloss past the “In Sickness” portion of wedding vows.  Typically the bride and groom are young and healthy and there isn’t much though about what happens if those “In Health” times turn ugly. 

 It feels as though I’ve been somewhere on the sick spectrum for what seems like months now.  As the wife and mom you’re not really allowed much sick time. No one knows what to do when the matriarch is down for the count.  My family is pretty supportive when I’m sick. I get to disappear for a day or so and they bring me things and check on me. Then I start hearing comments like, “Are you STILL sick?” or “Wow Mom are you sick again?!” or “You need to go to the doctor, we’ve got a lot to do.” I know it’s because they miss the normal me but it’s a lot of pressure to quickly get well on top of the crazy sinus pressure that has already taken up real estate in your head. My husband is cute when I start feeling better, he kind of reacts like I’m finally back from a long journey with a hug and “so glad you’re back.”

 Maybe next time the sinus infection train pulls into the station I’ll just hang up a “Bon Voyage” sign on my door and tell them all I’ll be back in 7-10 days!

 So my gang is pretty good, pretty typical it seems. But this lovely cold/flu season has made me more attentive to what it’s like for those around me. Some spouses are really doting on the other and baby them like a parent.  Then I’ve heard about spouses who, what I call, “turtle” when their spouse is under the weather. They basically disappear and quarantine the sick one, avoiding contact or communication until a reasonable incubation period has passed. I’ve heard this is a little lonely on top of feeling physically rotten.

 So what’s your spouse like when you’re under the weather? Chicken soup or hazmat suit?

 Reminder, no one enjoys being fogged with Lysol upon entering a room. Just a tip I’ve heard and wanted to pass along.  

“A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep…”

Yes, I am that girl. I L.O.V.E. fairy tales. I love all of the Disney movies and the Disney princesses and I may or may not have slept with a Disney Princess bed comforter… um, in college… (none of my sorority sisters will let me live that one down!) Now, before you all comment that I should know better and that real life relationships are not fairy tales and they take a lot of hard work and effort, let me stop you; I know all of that and that’s not what my post is about. Instead, I would like to pick apart a different area where Disney sometimes gets it wrong: the step-parent.

Most of the time, the step-parent is portrayed as an evil villain. But, you see, this doesn’t have to be the case. As you may remember from my introductory blog post, I, myself, come from a blended family and I have a step-dad who I absolutely adore. In fact, every time I talk about Darell, Shelby just shakes her head and says, “What would you do without him?” and Kylee has repeatedly said to me (jokingly?), “Boy, Nick has some big shoes to fill!” (She’s right. )

My not-so-wicked step-dad and me.

Now, I may have hit the step-parent jackpot, but it hasn’t come without hard work. Even if you have never been through it, you know that divorce is tough. And changes to a family structure require some adjustment time for everyone involved, especially if two families are merging. However, with the right tools and realistic expectations, blended families can learn to live together successfully without the “evil” step-parent title.

At MMJ, we know that this is a big topic out there- you guys have told us that on your event surveys! So, we are proud to announce that we have teamed up with the Jackson YMCA to offer, “Best Steps for your Step Family” instructed by our very own Shelby Raines! More details on the workshop can be found here, and while we can’t guarantee that you will leave with a fairy tale family, we can guarantee that you will leave with the resources you need to be well on your way!

One of the top reasons people delay marriage is because they don’t feel like they are financially stable enough, or because they can’t afford the wedding of their dreams.  And there is even a belief by some that “marriage is for rich people,” so we will just have a baby together and maybe get married someday.

The irony is single people, and single parents specifically, are much more likely to live in poverty. To quote a recent report ”in 21st-century America, the well-off and well-educated have the best odds of enjoying the domestic stability while the very people who most need resilient families — the working poor and the hard-pressed middle class — are less and less likely to have them.” That’s just not fair, and it’s one of the top things I love about MMJ. 

At Marriage Matters Jackson we don’t care if you are rich or poor, we want you to enjoy the benefits you deserve through marriage. At every MMJ workshop and event we have a wide variety of people, because whether you’re a CEO or lost your job last week, your marriage matters to you, your kids and our community.